Variations.

Sex can be had in a multitude of places, especially when a variety of positions are mastered. The bed is of course a perennial favorite, but there's no reason to limit yourself to it. Having sex all over the house can be deeply exciting, probably because it's an uninhibited display of sexuality, a bold declaration that sex need not be hidden from view. It also creates erotic associations for familiar places, and the memories will come back to turn you on later. Some people prefer sex at night, and some during the day; any time will work well. Outdoor sex is harder to come by, but it leads to some beautiful experiences. Pools and lakes are excellent places for foreplay (skinnydipping anyone?), but create problems with chemicals or bacteria entering the vagina. Baths in clean water work well, aside from some minor problems with lubrication. Showers have no such problem and are excellent places for yang-style sex, as the flow of water provides a constant strong sensation that can be intensely erotic, though it's sometimes desensitizing. Sex can also be had from far away via phone or internet, but of course, there's no substitute for the real thing.

Real sex, as mentioned above, takes place most often in bed. It's a good idea to prepare your bedroom for lovemaking, in however modest a way. First of all, it should have a relaxing, comfortable, clean but not sterile feeling about it. It should be well-decorated and smell nice - I'd go for some art prints and vanilla incense. The following is a list of bedroom gear that should be a lot of fun for everyone.

Bedroom Gear.

- The bed should be at least double-sized, with soft and clean sheets. A frame that's built low, a little lower than the man's pubic bone, will allow some nice variations on positions. Try her on his lap facing away (into a mirror?), or him kneeling on the floor with her hips by the edge of the bed and directing her hips with his hands.
- An armless chair is great for the yabyum position, as long as it's good and sturdy.
- A full-length mirror is great for watching yourselves in - if it's facing the bed, so much the better.
- Four-post beds, or any other bed with four spots to tie up silk scarves, will open up some nice possibilities. Have your way with one another, face up or face down... men will prefer face up as the penis is accessible, but face down can work for either sex, especially if their partner works their way underneath them facing up, which is... wow.
- Lighting is really important; candles or a soft lamp are great, and white christmas lights are especially great if they twinkle or fade in and out. If you want to get really funky, try a blacklight and some fluorescent body paints.
- Have some extra pillows around for comfort in different positions.
- If you have a window that people can see into, you can go exhibitionist-style, and imagine some uber-sexy neighbours touching themselves as they watch. Of course, you'll want some good blinds for privacy as well.
- A space heater is a good thing to have - it'll make the room nice and warm, you can use it to heat particular parts of your lover's body, and it'll provide white noise if you're under any noise restrictions.
- A big comfy couch is the perfect spot for making out and more.
- Get some massage gear: an oil warmer, an instructional book or two, and of course the oil itself. You can also purchase a U-shaped travel pillow and make it into a headrest for facedown comfort; back up the U shape with sturdy wood and rest it on a basket or other support so your lover can relax into it. Their head should rest level with their heart, not lower, for good circulation.
- Now for the smaller gear; start with condoms that suit the man's thickness, and water-based lubricant. Along with your squeeze bottles of massage oil and lube, I'd suggest a bottle full of water; you can use it to reactivate the lube, or to drop onto your lover's body to slowly trickle down. Hot water can give some interesting sensations too.
- Get a soft paintbrush to caress your lover's body with; all you hot artsy types will love this, especially when it's on her clit. For more fun with texture, find a clean feather or pick up some fabric samples from your local quilting store.
- Silk scarves are recommended for blindfolding and bondage.
- A hand mirror can give either of you a nice close-up view of your hip action. If you get one with a cylindrical handle, she might find another use for it; that's up to her.
- She'll probably have a vibrator, and he can watch her use it or use it on her, especially during cunnilingus or positions like "cry of the eagle" above. As mentioned under "manual stimulation" vibes can be plenty of fun for men too.
- Clitoral stimulators, or smaller "bullet" style vibes, are amazing things. You can buy one with a cock ring attachment so she can grind her clit against it during sex, which she's sure to love. To make these even more fun, put one inside a condom, tie the end in a slipknot, and lube up the outside of it. Turn that bullet on and slip it into your partner's anus, or your own, and it'll take everything to a whole new level. Sit on your heel with it as you touch yourself, have your partner use it on you while they're going down, or hold it inside with your pelvic muscles as they ride you to pleasure. If you're not comfortable with the anus yet, there's more on that in the next section.
- Find something to suck on during sex; almonds taste good and have a nice texture for your tongue. Fresh fruit and quality chocolate are also good to have around - in my opinion, hershey's kisses are meant to be passed from one mouth to another, to awaken another level of sensuality during sex.
- Buy a book on tantric sex (e.g. "Sexual Energy Ecstasy" by David and Ellen Ramsdale) and see what you discover. While we're on the topic of books, find some good erotic fiction and have your lover read it to you - better yet, have them whisper it to you as they touch you all over, and you touch yourself.
- If you have a laptop, get some couple-friendly porn on there - Candida Royale and Andrew Blake are good places to start. Get something you both like and consider acting it out. If you're really tech savvy, set up a video camera, and if you don't want to be recorded, just wire it into your TV and watch yourselves live.
- Get a plastic bed cover and plenty of baby oil for some slippery fun.
- Get a tightly-woven blanket for your bed, something warm that your lover can still breathe through. Now relax into your bed and touch yourself as if no one's there; but have your lover farther downward, kissing you all over, without any complaints about air flow.
- Keep a stereo with some sexy music: Air and Thievery Corporation are two of my favorites. Tortoise's self-titled album is also great, and "Music for Egon Schiele" by Rachel's is nice and soothing. Some harder house music will be great for yang-style sex.
- Have plenty of fresh water on hand for after you work up a sweat. Tissues and a towel will also be helpful for clean-up.
- In the bathroom, go for a handheld, multi-function shower head. A bathtub built for two (i.e. without a big faucet on one side where someone's neck would go) is a great thing too.
- As far as erotic clothing goes, I suggest she wear a necklace around her neck, another around her waist, and nothing else at all
- In the end, the only things you need for great sex are two naked bodies and one great love of pleasure.

Anal Sex.

The anus is a somewhat taboo but very erogenous zone; if you're curious, you might start with some gentle licking (a.k.a. rimming) as part of oral sex, especially during or after a shower. You can also rub the anus with a moistened finger during sex (try this in the yabyum position), and once you're both comfortable with that, gently penetrate with a finger, one knuckle deep. For full anal sex, use plenty of lube, and dodge the risk of urinary tract infection by using a condom. Always change condoms or wash before moving from the anus to another orifice with finger or penis. If you associate anal play with homosexuality and that bothers you, I'd get over that: there's nothing gay about anal play unless it's with a member of your own sex. If you're just not interested, that's up to you.

Threesomes.

It's very important for a successful threesome (and the chances of a repeat encounter) that no one feels left out of the fun. Penetration can encourage this problem, because it creates a strong bond between two of the partners involved. These two partners should take care to pay attention to the third. If any two participants are in a committed relationship, each should have a clear go-ahead from their partner before enjoying penetration with any third person, and should discuss any other boundaries they might have.

Unless everyone involved has been tested for STDs, it's best for men to use a different condom for each partner. Similarly, if you're using your hands to penetrate another person's mouth or anus or vagina, assign one hand to each partner and do not switch.

For any threesome combination (MMM, FMM, MFF, or FFF), one person can simply watch while the the other two have sex. This is great if the observer wants to learn some new techniques, wants to see/engage in cuckolding, or likes to watch two same-sex partners get it on. This is a physically and psychologically safe way for an established couple and a visitor to enjoy each other sexually.

Of course, it's also possible for all three parties to simply satisfy themselves and watch the others. This can be a perfectly safe stand-alone play or a warm-up for more intense interaction.

Threesome Positions.

- (MFF) The man lays down flat on the bed. The first woman straddles his hard-on and slides down into woman on top. The second woman sits down on his mouth, facing the first woman, and enjoys his tongue. The two women watch each other, kiss each other, touch each other's breasts and bodies and clits... or one leans forward to lick the other's pussy, combining that with the pleasure he's already giving her. The second woman can also turn around and give the first woman a great perspective for fingering. This position above can also be done with one woman in the middle, and the man sitting upright penetrating her. He's sure to enjoy the view.

- (MFF) The first woman lies on top of the second, both facing up. The second woman touches the first in all sorts of places, while the man licks both women, penetrates one and licks the other, or penetrates both in turn.

- (MFF or FMM) A woman gets on all fours on the bed and kisses the third partner (woman or man) between the legs, while a man takes her from behind.

- (MFF or FMM) A man penetrates a woman from behind in a standing position, and a third partner kneels down and licks the woman's clit.

- (MFF or FMM) A man and woman enter "cry of the eagle", either by her leaning back from reverse cowgirl, on by both rolling over from spooning. From here, the third partner has great oral access to the first woman's clit. If the man's cock slips out, accidentally or on purpose, her can thrust it over the first woman's clit and into the third partner's mouth. The third can also line the man's cock up by the woman's clit and lick both their sweet spots at once. Finally, the third can join the woman in a 69, or rather a "699", which will give the third some oral fun as well.

- (FMM) For double penetration (vaginal/anal): a man lies down and the woman gets on top facing him and takes him inside; then she leans forward a bit and lets the second man in her back door.

- (MFF, FMM, MMM or FFF) One lucky participant stands up and the other two go down on him/her simultaneously, while touching themselves or each other. This one can create a large power imbalance, so the lucky standing person may have to work hard later to pay the others back. This position can be done with both partners in front of the standing person, or with one in front giving oral and the other in the back rimming.

Verbal Sex.

Talking dirty during during sex can add both emotion and passion... tell your lover how you feel, how their body feels to you, what the two of you are doing, what you love about it and about them and about their body. It's up to the couple how dirty they want this to get, and I'd suggest talking it over sometime so you get a sense of what your lover likes. If you lack confidence in your vocabulary, write some erotica or have cybersex to practice, or just let yourself moan with pleasure when something feels good. It never hurts to let your partner know when you like what they're doing. If you don't like it and/or you have a suggestion, be tactful and and don't criticize too often unless you're sure your lover is confident enough to handle it. For the man, talking dirty can take his mind off the sensations and thus help him last longer. A fun game is to agree to do anything your lover tells you and nothing else, let them take over the direction, and next time switch roles. A final rule is not to quote what your lover says during sex or during orgasm, especially to other people: embarassment leads to inhibition, and inhibition has little or no place in a really good sex life. For some more ideas on dirty talk, check out our erotica page.